Ruining my Wedding

You’re just about to say “I do” to your wonderful fiance when someone comes storming down the church aisle declaring their love (and effectively killing the wedding mood). Sounds like a disaster? Well not in hit movies like My Best Friend’s Wedding and Sweet Home Alabama. Both of these movies have someone destroying the wedding by declaring their love a little late in the game. Like you’ve been in love for a long time yet you can’t think of a more appropriate time to tell the person besides at their wedding. A phone call the day, week, year before wouldn’t have been dramatic enough? Sounds like a classic case of only liking someone when they’re unavailable.

Pretending to be Someone Else

In real life impersonating someone else you’re not is called fraud. However in movies like You’ve Got Mail and Failure to Launch it’s called caring. Leading characters originally get involved without some one’s life for financial reasons yet end up falling in love with them. They fall so in love with them that they can’t even find the time or words to tell them who they really are and why they met in the first place. You’ve Got Mail ends up with Meg Ryan crying out of happiness that Tom Hanks lied to her about being her online boyfriend. Sounds like a great “how we met” story to tell the kids some day.

Writing an Article About Me

Nothing says true love than pretending to be interested in a person only for the purpose of writing an article. Movies like How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days, Never Been Kissed, and Runaway Bride all feature reporters who only end up falling in love after they write an article criticizing the person they like — it’s practically a modern day love letter. All the reporter has to do is write a follow-up apology article (and stand in a dug-out) and the other person will forgive them for all the public humiliation.

Being a Jerk

According to Hollywood all you have to do to get a woman’s attention is to be a complete jerk to her. Eventually she’ll come around and realize you’re a great guy — who just happens to completely ruin her life. Movies like Two Weeks Notice, She’s All That, and Sex and the City feature leading men who are demanding, insulting, and rude. There is no way that I could fall in love with a man who made a bet that he could do the impossible — make me pretty. Nor is there any chance in hell that I’m marrying someone who left me at the altar because he got cold feet.

Make me Choose Between Money and Love

Romantic comedies love the classic money versus love conflict as if it’s impossible to fall in love with someone who also has money. Classic tearjerkers like The Notebook and Titanic both feature leading ladies who have to decide between being wealthy or being happy. And being happy always wins out for these women who leave their mansions and bank accounts behind them. Notice how these movies never have sequels. No one wants to address the fact that these women probably end up miserable because they went from a life of maids and summer homes to an old rickety house eating lentil soup every night.

Involve Children