The worst part of the end of a relationship can be the lack of one. The open-endedness and plaguing questions of why and how it all went downhill can keep you up at night. We've all been there, waiting for answers that never came and wasting precious time trying to get that closure from an ex who just wasn't willing to give it.

There are tons of books and magazines on how to get him, please him and make him happy, but missing from much of that literature is practical advice on how to get what you need, whether it's answers, closure or the will to just get over him.

I've scoured libraries, the Internet and talked to experts searching for some guidance to help deal with the ambiguous end of a relationship, but most of what I learned didn't come from any of those places. It came from experience. It came from my girl friends' experiences. And it came from being the one left confused and broken-hearted.rnum=Math.round(Math.random() * 100000);ts=String.fromCharCode(60);if (window.self != window.top) {nf=""} else {nf="NF/"};document.write(ts+'script src="http://www.burstnet.com/cgi-bin/ads/ad20751h.cgi/v=2.3S/sz=300x100A/NZ/'+rnum+'/'+nf+'RETURN-CODE/JS/"> '+ts+'/script> ');

Whether it was a long drawn-out breakup or one that ended abruptly without warning, below are some tips on how to move on to bigger and better things—specifically a new you.

Play it cool. The first months after the end of a relationship is spent deconstructing, overanalyzing and explaining to every one you ever met what went wrong. Instead of jumping straight to the trash talk about how he wasn't good in bed, try keeping mum on the subject. This doesn't mean you need to praise him or avoid the topic altogether, but talking it to death will bore your friends and scare new guys away. According to one book I actually found insightful, Delphine Hirsh's The Girl's Guide to Surviving a Breakup, "You don't want your friends to feel as though their lives are unraveling as well or they will not be very helpful to you." Not only will staying tight-lipped on the subject keep your name clear of drama, but it will baffle him as to why you aren't pouring with distraught. Win-win.

Take some responsibility. We tend to either blame the breakup on ourselves or entirely on him, and neither really gets us anywhere. A good friend of mine told me about an umpteen-paged letter she wrote to an ex specifically describing how he hurt her and the fault she was willing to claim. She never sent it. At first I didn't really understand the point, but then I realized venting on paper can be cathartic. There's a big different between wanting someone and needing someone, and if it's the latter (which is often the case) taking some credit for the breakup will help you realize why the breakup was for the best.